Upset at being locked overnight in the basement of Suzanne's house, Anthony threatens Allison with legal action. Obtaining an affidavit from his law school professor asserting his right to occupy the house, Anthony gives Allison two choices, either move out or stay on as his personal servant. Meanwhile, after meeting Julia's friend Mark Bayswell, Allison insists that Julia is dating him only because he is so obviously gay.
After a date at the symphony, Julia returns with Mark to his apartment and, inspecting the surroundings, wonders if he may, in fact, be homosexual. However, after he makes a pass at her, Julia is convinced that he is straight but is uncomfortable with his advances and quickly leaves for home. Not wanting to forfeit occupancy of the house, Allison agrees to be Anthony's servant until she can reach her lawyer in New York.
Unable to take anymore of their bickering, Julia insists that Anthony and Allison work out their differences about the house before they kill each other. Though telling Allison about Mark's sexual advances, Julia finally admits to having dated him because she felt safer with a gay man. Returning to Mark's apartment, Julia learns a lesson about stereotyping people, and the two agree to continue their friendship but without becoming too romantic.
Additional Comments:
This is the episode in which Allison is diagnosed with OPD -- Obnoxious Personality Disorder.
Dixie Carter and Charles Frank previously co-starred together along with Delta Burke in the comedy series Filthy Rich.
It is never explained in this episode why Charlene is no longer present, or exactly what Carlene is still doing there since she had originally been there to help care for Olivia after her nanny quit. We know from The Big Desk that Bill and Charlene were invited to a ceremony in England, though it is not explained until later this season that they actually relocated to England and that Carlene is working part-time in Sugarbaker's office, picking up some of Charlene's duties while she attends college.
Carlene behaves as though the door behind the kitchen leads directly into the bathroom -- not the storeroom with the bathroom in it like we know is there from other episodes.
Classic Scenes:
Allison starts to enter the storeroom/bathroom.......
CARLENE: Oh no.......(chuckling).......you can't go in there.
ALLISON:Why not?
CARLENE: My cat's using it.
ALLISON:Your cat is using our bathroom?
CARLENE: Yeah, I bought this book that says how you can forever eliminate litter boxes with their offensive odors, and what you do is: you take the litter box and put it on a stack of magazines right by the toilet, and every day you just add more and more magazines to the pile until it's right level with that toilet. And then you take that litter box and put it right on top of the toilet, so the cat gets used to (snap) jumping up there. And finally, you just remove the litter box entirely and just leave the lid up on the toilet, and you know what happens (smiling with her brilliance) ?
ALLISON:Yes. The cat jumps into the toilet. I admit that it's a great gag, and I certainly enjoy playing elaborate practical jokes on household pets as much as anyone but, Carlene, why are you doing this here?
CARLENE: Well, I've got to supervise her progress.
MARY JO: Y'know, I think it's just amazing that you can get a cat to understand the concept of a commode. My dog Brownie, I mean, he just thinks of ours as just a giant punch bowl.
CARLENE: (laughing hysterically) Mary Jo, I can't believe you said that!
(to Allison about Mary Jo) I swear, every time we get together she makes me laugh.
ALLISON:Yes I know. Every time I come in here she's a pickin' and you're a grinnin'.
(Anthony walks in..........)
MARY JO: Anthony, where have you been all morning?
ANTHONY:Mary Jo, the proper question to ask is 'where have I been all night.' And the answer is...........I was locked in the basement of Suzanne's house.
ALLISON:Oh! Were you in the basement? I thought I heard something down there last night.
ANTHONY:Oh really? Did it sound something like someone screaming "let me out of here, Bitch!!"?
After Julia's friend Mark stops by the store.....
ALLISON: So......that's Mark Bayswell.
JULIA: Uh huh.
ALLISON:That's the man who's going to take you back into the world of dating.
JULIA: That's right.
ALLISON:Uh HUH.
JULIA: What exactly do you mean by 'uh huh?'
ALLISON: Nothing. You just proved my point, that's all.
JULIA: What's your point?
ALLISON: Julia!! That is the gayest human being I've ever seen in my life!
JULIA: He is Not!
ALLISON: Julia!! He was wearing a lacoss. He knows what a peplum is. In a twenty second conversation he managed to work in 'Ida Lupino.' And he has never laid a finger on you, am I right?
JULIA: I'm not going to answer that.
ALLISON:You just did.
ALLISON:There are many, many sufferers of [Obnoxious Personality Disorder]. It's such a sad story. Literally thousands of people have lost their friends, their jobs, even their husbands and wives--- simply because they're obnoxious. And there is also a very high rate of alcoholism.
MARY JO: Among obnoxious people..............
ALLISON:No, among their friends and relations.
(each set of quotation marks signifies quotation mark hand gestures..............)
ALLISON:Julia, wait! I just wanted to hear how your "date" went last night.
JULIA: Y'know, Allison, you're very clever with those quotation marks, but just for the record, I prefer my conversations straight forward and unencumbered by little rabbit gestures. Do you "get it?"
ALLISON:But I was right wasn't I? Your "boyfriend" didn't lay a hand on you, did he?
JULIA: Not that it is remotely even any of your business, but just to wipe that smirk off your face, I will tell you. You were not right. He is positively not gay.
ALLISON:How do you know?
JULIA: I picked up subtle signals while he had his tongue down my throat. Now what do you say to that?
ALLISON: (dumbfounded.....) He must be bi.
JULIA: Allison, he is NOT!! You were wrong! You're always wrong, and you never want to admit it. He is straight! There is no question about it. He made that fact uncomfortably clear!
ALLISON: "Uncomfortably?" (as Allison makes her quotation mark gestures, Julia grabs her hands......) Oh, I'm sorry! It's a habit.....it's going to take some getting used to. I'm just so interested in this word "uncomfortably." I mean, it seems there's something you're not admitting, Little Miss Cards-on-the-table.
JULIA: Oh, alright. I'll give you that. I guess subconsciously I did think Mark was gay and therefore I was safe.
ANTHONY:Julia, excuse me for overhearing, but I just want to add my two cents.
JULIA: Oh please!! I do so want to hear from everyone on this subject! Call your friends!
ANTHONY:I was just going to say; you can't force yourself to start dating if it isn't time. I know because there came a day in my life when I wasn't interested in any romantic involvement at all. The whole idea didn't appeal to me, period, and no matter who approached me, I just wasn't interested.
JULIA: Really, Anthony? When was that?
ANTHONY:That was the day I entered prison.
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