Episode Cast:

Suzanne Sugarbaker
Delta Burke

Sissy Emerson
Teri Garr

Natalie Hollingsworth
Patricia Heaton

Veda Walkman
Lisa Rieffel

Anthony Bouvier
Meshach Taylor

Kirby Seizmore
Susan Powter

Regis Philbin
Himself

Kathie Lee Gifford
Herself

Art Manke
Jim


Dear Diary

Directed by: Harry Thomason
Written by: Linda Bloodworth-Thomason
Airdate: September 8, 1995 (LIFETIME Television Marathon)

Natty suggests that Suzanne stop making casual comments regarding the perks of being a member of Congress because Kirby Seizmore of the Congressional Ethics Committee seems to become seriously enflamed around Suzanne. But the words barely escape her mouth when Representative Seizmore enters Suzanne's offices to announce that it has become her personal mission to see the "ridiculous and unqualified" Suzanne removed from office. While attempting to deny any charges against her, Suzanne inadvertantly lets it slip that she keeps a diary, which Seizmore gleefully adds to her subpoena list.

Suzanne insists to Natty and Emerson that turning over her diary is not an option because she records her daily weight in it, and she'd rather go to jail than reveal her weight. Determined that an answer will come to her, Suzanne is thrilled to see her dear friend Anthony appear for an impromptu visit, and she makes several shameful attempts at guilting him into disposing of the diary. Meanwhile, Anthony gets frustrated because he was hoping his relationship with Suzanne had evolved away from these sorts of shenanigans.

Suzanne runs into Representative Seizmore at the elevator and convinces her to come into her office, where she promptly drops to her knees and begs and cries for her mercy because she just cannot reveal her weight to anyone. An unmoved Seizmore starts trading hateful barbs with Suzanne, which leads to her crying in Anthony's arms. As usual, he finally relents. So while Suzanne faces a Congressional investigation regarding the missing diary, Anthony takes a Carnival Cruise and nonchalantly throws the diary overboard into the ocean. Unfortunately, the diary lands on the head of Regis Philbin, who has joined Kathie Lee Gifford on the ship for her annual Carnival Cruise commercial shoot, and he reads Suzanne's weight on national television.



Additional Comments:

Anthony is now a lawyer in Atlanta, and he's concerned that helping Suzanne dispose of evidence could get him disbarred.

No mention is made of Anthony's wife, Etienne, so either they are divorced or he is on holiday without her -- and his wedding band.

In one of the initial plans for the series, Kirby Seizmore was to be a regular rival to Suzanne, but the part was reduced to a guest appearance.

Because this episode was unaired by the network and first aired as part of LIFETIME Television's An Evening of Women of the House marathon, it aired without closing credits.



Classic Scenes:

SUZANNE: Do you know O.J. Simpson?
ANTHONY: No. I do not know O.J. Simpson. Why do you think all black people know each other?
SUZANNE: I don't know. I just think he obviously found a very good place for his clothes and that knife.
ANTHONY: Alleged clothes and knife.
SUZANNE: Whatever. It'd just be so great if I could just stick my diary with his stuff.


(Suzanne is on her knees begging Representative Seizmore......)
SEIZMORE: Look, I'm sorry. This is not some beauty contest where you can win me over with your big knockers and your dazzling smile.
SUZANNE: Really? Cuz I gotta tell you, I have been wondering.
SEIZMORE: Are you insulting my sexuality?
SUZANNE: Oh, no! I don't know anything about you or your sexuality. Just tell me what you want. Look, I'll even scrub the floors for you, ok?
SEIZMORE: Is this a bribe?
SUZANNE: No! Haven't you ever heard somebody offer to scrub somebody else's floors before? It's a Southern thing.
SEIZMORE: I think this meeting is over.
SUZANNE: (angry and frustrated) Oh! You are just the most....and you've got that...
SEIZMORE: You want so badly to say something about my hair, don't you?
SUZANNE: YES.
SEIZMORE: You've been stifling yourself for days, haven't you?
SUZANNE: YES.
SEIZMORE: Go ahead. Why don't you just ask it?
SUZANNE: What the hell happened to it?!
SEIZMORE: Would it make you happy to hear that I had a bad permanent and it all fell out?
SUZANNE: (smiling) Yes.
SEIZMORE: Good, because that never happened. I got my hair cut this way because I like it. Just like you have chosen not to have cheek reduction. And by the way, if you're storing any walnuts that you received as gifts in there, you better declare them. Good night.
SUZANNE: Same to you... Miss Chi-Head!!


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