Miss Sugarbaker Goes to Washington

Additional Comments:

The series premiered on January 4, 1995 with this special one-hour episode.

Suzanne's staff includes: Natalie Hollingsworth, an uptight administrative assistant who got her start serving "under" Congressman Ed Sharkey (who was sent to a Virginia minimum security prison for taking bribes); Sissy Emerson, an alcoholic press secretary fired from The Washington Post after appearing on Sally Quinn's Loser List; and Jennifer Malone, a neurotic housewife-turned-receptionist separated from her husband who left her with two troubled teenage boys.

The part of Malone was written for Julie Hagerty, but she was unavailable for the first several episodes. As a result, Valerie Mahaffey originated the role -- credited as a Special Guest Appearance.

Since first leaving Atlanta to live with her mother in Japan (as was explained in the DW episode The Big Desk), Suzanne has been married twice and independently adopted a little girl named Desiree. This episode also introduces Suzanne's developmentally-challenged brother, Jim Sugarbaker, for whom Suzanne apparently cares.

Although Natty is a Republican and Emerson is Democratic, Suzanne chooses to remain independent.

Wanting to keep her jogging appointment with President Clinton, Suzanne has her brother Jim use a bicycle to tow her in a cart alongside the President -- which initially frightens Clinton and his guards.

The special election to fill the House seat was scheduled for May, but since the show was put on hiatus in March and didn't return until August, the issue was not addressed.

M.C. Gainey makes an appearance as one of the movers in this episode. Gainey previously appeared as T. Tommy Reed in the DW episodes Getting to Know You and The Last Tango in Atlanta and as Junior Jones in Nightmare from Hee Haw.

Michael Kingsley and John Sununu of CNN's Crossfire both appear as themselves in this episode.

Thanks to the magic of archival footage, Jimmy Stewart makes an uncredited appearance from the balcony during Suzanne's speech before Congress.

Classic Scenes:

EMERSON: I just saw ole' Bob Packwood on the elevator. I gave him a little pat on the butt as he was getting off. Nobody else saw it. He'll never be able to prove it.

EMERSON: So what time is this Sugarbaker person getting here anyway?
MALONE: Well, I'm sure any minute now. She must be running late.
EMERSON: Well of course she's running late. Everybody says she's stupid. Or she's a lesbian. I forget which. She's either stupid or a lesbian. Or she killed a man.

SUZANNE: By the way. I had to let the air out of somebody's tire who was parking in Ray's old space. It was a blue Chevrolet with a little handicap sticker in the back. If anyone calls about you tell them not to park there again -- that's our spot.
MALONE: You let the air out of a handicapped person's tires?!!
SUZANNE: Yes I did! You know they have their own parking spaces now, so they certainly don't have any business pulling into dead people's spots.

NATTY: As you can see, I have fourteen years experience.
SUZANNE: Ah well, I don't need to see any resumes. If you all want these jobs, you can have 'em.
MALONE: Are you serious?!
SUZANNE: Well of course. I'm just keeping Ray's seat warm as a favor for the Governor until they can hold an election back in Georgia, not that I don't intend to do a bang-up job. Whenever I'm representing my home state, whether it's in a beauty pageant or -- you know -- something like this, the qualities I look for in myself and everyone else around me are team spirit, pride in personal appearance, and a great big ole' sparkly smile!

MALONE: Oh my gosh!! I almost forgot! While I was waiting I took some phone messages. Somebody from the White House called and said the President wants you to go jogging with him.
NATTY: You're kidding!! How could you forget something like that?!!
MALONE: Well I was in the middle of dusting and it kind of scared me. I didn't know if it was a joke or what.
SUZANNE: It doesn't matter. I can't go. I don't jog.
NATTY: Why not?
SUZANNE: Because I'm very voluptuous. I mean, there's enough stuff going on just when I walk. If I jog, I might take out a couple Secret Service agents or something.

NATTY: You have a black maid named Sapphire?
SUZANNE: Yes I do!
NATTY: Are you aware that that is a racial stereotype, like Amos and Andy?
SUZANNE: Look, I can't help what it is. Sapphire's her damn name, and she's too old to change it now!

ANNOUNCER: Now, live from our nation's capitol -- Crossfire. Today's guest: Representative Suzanne Sugarbaker.
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Welcome to Crossfire. I'm Mike Kinsley from the left.
JOHN SUNUNU: And I'm John Sununu from the right.
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Our guest today is the newest member of Congress; Suzanne Sugarbaker of Georgia. She'll be filling her late husband's House seat until an election can be held later this year.
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Miss Sugarbaker, welcome.
SUZANNE: Oh please! Call me Suzanne.
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Alright Suzanne. Here we are, Suzanne, coming up on some major bills. Your vote could prove crucial on any number of issues. Yet your own political affiliation is completely unknown. Could you comment on that?
SUZANNE: Yes, well, first of all, I'd like to apologize for the size of my hair. I usually wear it much bigger than this.
What was the question again?
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Your political affiliation?
SUZANNE: Oh!! Yeah, it's true I don't really have one. I just sort of decide how I feel about each issue as it comes along. I mean that's the way they do it at Miss America. There's actually no point in planning ahead because you're just gonna have to draw a question out of a jar anyway.
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Well if you haven't thought about the issues pending, what about some of the issues that have already been decided? For example: gays in the military.
SUZANNE: Oh!! Personally, I think that homosexuals have just as much right to kill and be killed as anyone else, of course I really wouldn't want to leave the beauty salons short-handed.
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Is that your answer?!
SUZANNE: I think so, unless I can have more time.
JOHN SUNUNU: Suzanne, what about those expensive junkets that lobbyists provide for certain members of Congress; would you be tempted to vote a certain way if someone gave you a gift?
SUZANNE: Listen, men have been giving me gifts since I was eighteen, but only a handful have made it to the promised land, if you get my drift.
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Um, yes, I think we do. Speaking of conflicts of interests, we understand you tried to sell some of your brother's craft items in the house gift store this morning. Do you really see no conflict of interest in that either?
SUZANNE: I beg your pardon?
JOHN SUNUNU: Well Suzanne, it would appear that you were trying to make a profit from a Federally funded enterprise.
SUZANNE: No! I was just doing a good deed. Y'see my brother makes these nice little ceramic spoon rests, and I just thought we could make a little extra money for his school.
JOHN SUNUNU: You mean you weren't just trying to make a fast buck?
SUZANNE: Certainly not!! I mean, why on Earth would I come all the way to Washington just to steal a little poorly run knick-knack shop from the Federal government? Get real. I mean, that'd be like me trying to take over a dinky little lemonade stand. Anyway, my five husbands left me plenty of money. And I'm sure that I'll marry again. Or, as my grandmother used to say, "Honey, if you ever need a million dollars, just remember, you're sitting on it!"
SUZANNE: Oh my goodness!! I'm afraid this microphone's just been swallowed up by my cleavage!
MICHAEL KINSLEY: Stay with us, we'll be right back.
SUZANNE: Ha!! I bet that little Katie Couric never had this problem huh? Are we on? Are we still on, hmm? Are we on?
EMERSON: (watching on the TV from the office) Y'know, it's becoming increasingly clear to me that we're not just some loosely banded together group of losers anymore. This feels bigger than that. I think we're all participating in some sort of cosmic Olympics, and are now apparently all strapped down, spread-eagled, no blindfolds, on the big louge heading for hell.

(after her outrageous comments on Crossfire, Suzanne is slammed by the press and the Washington establishment........)
NATTY: (reading from the newspaper) It was difficult to tell if she was playing Miss Kitty, or Miss Ellie from the Beverly Hillbillies."
SUZANNE: This is not scandal! I mean, look at that Prince Charles over in England. Now, I'm sorry, but I think what he said is a whole lot worse than what I said.
NATTY: What are you talking about?!
SUZANNE: I'm just making a comparison, Natty. The man apparently told that Camilla Parker what's-her-name that he wants to be a tampon. Now I'm sorry, but I think once you say something like that you give up your right to be the King of England.

(Suzanne returns to her office after deciding not to quit.....)
SUZANNE: Put down those boxes, Boys, we have work to do.
MOVER: Oh, man. Y'know this is getting just a little bit ridiculous.
SUZANNE: Oh, pipe down! A woman has a right to change her mind! Now you just do a good job, and later on at the end of the day you can pick out a couple of the girls here and have sex with them.
MOVER: Big woo.
EMERSON: Well, I think that's pretty much rock-bottom for me.

(Suzanne takes the podium to speak before the House......)
SUZANNE: Excuse me! Excuse me! Hi, I'm Suzanne Sugarbaker, and before we begin, I'd like to apologize for the size of my hair -- I usually wear it much bigger than this, but this lady at the House beauty shop said this was as big as she could get it. Can you believe that? And this is supposed to be our nation's capitol. Excuse me! Mr. C-SPAN Man! Now I told you people that my left profile is my best one. You're supposed to be over there. Ok, cut!! Cut!! Can we cut?!
SPEAKER: The Gentlewoman for Georgia has the floor.
SUZANNE: Ok, then keep filming, but I'm telling you right now you're blowing the shot.
Action! Hi, I'm Suzanne Sugarbaker, and I'm new in town. Now I've been told Washington is a place where you have to fit in. Well, I'm a person who likes to stand out. And I guess the truth is, I care a lot more about what Sapphire Jones thinks than someone named Bill Saffire. Now I've said a lot of things this week that are politically incorrect, but then, so am I. My maid is black, my daughter's adopted, my brother's retarded. I, myself, am five times married, fat -- not zaftig, big mouthed, Southern and rich. Newly rich, which if you ask me is the best kind to be because it means you earned it yourself.
So I guess you could say I'm a little bit different. But from what I know about history -- which is not a lot, that's what being an American is all about. The right to be different, and to think differently, and to act differently, and to say different things. Kind of like Jimmy Stewart in that Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I mean, maybe you people here have forgotten what it's like to be different -- to not run around in a little herd reading the same newspapers and talking to the same people at all the same dinner parties, trying so damn hard to impress each other. And then you book yourselves on those -- what do you call those things -- journalistic round tables so that you can sit around talking about the gossip that you yourselves have been spreading. Like Mr. Smith said, if only you cared as much about being honest as you do about being smart. But of course we all know if Mr. Smith came to Washington today, you people would beat the hell out of him!! Which is too bad, because sometimes good people really do come here to do good things. Like my brother, who was dusting off the Lincoln Memorial the other day and reminded me that this is our capitol -- not just yours -- and that these monuments here belong to all of us. They don't belong to the Washington Post, they don't belong to the Wall Street Journal, they don't belong to the New York Times, or even to Congress -- they belong to all Americans!
SPEAKER: I'm sorry, but the Gentlewoman from Georgia's time is up.
SUZANNE: I'm not finished. Ok, you can come if for the closeup now. And by all Americans I mean people with sheep farms, little people, movie stars, and hicks.
SPEAKER: Your time has expired! Next speaker please.
SUZANNE: ...Happy people, rich people, black people named Sapphire, people on Sally Quinn's Loser List!
SPEAKER: Will the house sergeant please come forward and remove the Gentlewoman from Georgia!
SUZANNE: People who bake muffins!
MALONE: Yes!
SUZANNE: People who drink too much!
SPEAKER: Order!
SUZANNE: The Gentlewoman from Georgia is not finished!!
(Suzanne continues speaking as the House sergeant drags her away.....)
People who like to dust! People who tell the truth! People from the South! People from the Donner Party! People with cleavage!!

MALONE: I just wanted to let you know after hearing your speech yesterday, I felt so inspired I went home and ripped my two sons' Menendez brothers poster right off their wall, and I told them I'm in charge now!!
SUZANNE: Well, isn't that fun. And who is this again?
MALONE: Nevermind. I just wanted you to know I think you're wonderful. And I know it isn't true, but if you were a lesbian, I'd be proud to be your lover. And I'm not even gay!