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And Now, Here's Bernice
Directed by: David Trainer
Written by: Mark Alton Brown & Dee LaDuke
Taped: November 27, 1990
Airdate: December 17, 1990
Although he has been showering her with affection and gifts, Mary Jo is insistent about not going out with Donald Banks, a client of Sugarbaker's. However, with encouragement from Charlene, Anthony and Bernice, she finally agrees to a date. Meanwhile Bernice has been asked to be the host of Senior Roundup, a talk show on public access cable television.
After their first few dates, Mary Jo is impressed with Donald's romantic, low pressure approach. Then, just as she falls for him, Donald inexplicably breaks off their relationship, leaving her hurt and confused. For her first show, Bernice decides to talk about prostitution and enlists Anthony to find a replacement for a guest called away unexpectedly to Las Vegas on business.
While visiting Donald's office to finish the decorating job, Mary Jo meets several other women who were also wooed, and then quickly dropped, by Donald. Realizing he needs to be stopped, Mary Jo decides to expose Donald and other men like him. So, while being interviewed on Bernice's show, Mary Jo warns the audience about Donald and, aided by their pictures, lists the names of other men who are also chronic users of women.
-- Columbia Tri-Star Marketing
Classic Scenes:
CHARLENE: Julia? You know how your mama always told you to where nice underwear in case you were in an accident or something?
JULIA: Yes. Actually I've always just done it on principle.
CHARLENE: Oh, well, yeah. So have I -- until today. . . I just feel so stupid I've got to tell someone. Promise not to tell?
JULIA: I promise.
CHARLENE: I have on Bill's underwear.
JULIA: Charlene. . .
CHARLENE: I know, I know. I'm so ashamed. I can't believe I'm sitting her in light blue jockey shorts. I can't help it. My washing machine broke down, and I couldn't get to the laundry mat, and Olivia was up with the crup all night so I didn't have time to rinse anything out in the sink, and, well, I certainly couldn't go with no underwear -- it's too cold. It finally boiled down to a choice between Pampers and this. I feel so weird.
ANTHONY: Hey Julia.
CHARLENE: Anthony! What are you doing? I didn't know you were over there!
ANTHONY: I was looking for some sugar. (laughing) I know you feel stupid 'cuz I heard what you were wearing. But you don't have to worry because your secret is safe with me.
CHARLENE: Thank you. But since you're being so understanding, maybe you can tell me something. Do you find that front flap annoying?
ANTHONY: I said your secret was safe. I did NOT say I wanted to share grooming tips.
BERNICE: I turned down a guy recently, and six days later he died. You can't let them hang on the vine too long at Leisure Land.
JULIA: Why don't you want to talk to Bernice?
ANTHONY: Because that hooker she had booked on her show cancelled out.
CHARLENE: I know. I told her to call my friend Monette for help.
ANTHONY: We tried that, but Monette and Atlanta's better class of prostitutes have gone to Las Vegas for a convention. Consequently, in Bernice's hour-of-need, Atlanta is suffering a severe shortage. Now we were out until three in the morning driving around in her cadillac looking for -- as she put it -- "fresh meat". I nearly wrapped the car around a post when she leaned out the window and yelled. "Work it, Girl! How'd you like to strut your stuff on public access?!"
Julia, Anthony and Charlene fill in as guests on Bernice's live cable access show at the last minute to talk about decorating...
BERNICE: Hello, and welcome to Senior Roundup. I'm Bernice Clifton, your host for the week. Tonight we're talking about a problem that preys on the mind of every senior citizen -- sex for sale. But first, my guests -- Charlene Stillfield, Anthony Bouvier and Julia Sugarbaker of the Sugarbaker Design Firm. Now Julia, tell me, you're really kind of the Madame of Sugarbaker House. When you first get a new client, what really titillates and excites you?
JULIA: I would hardly use the word "titillate".
BERNICE: (to the camera crew and then back to Julia) That's not a nasty word, is it? I think it's ok, just don't shorten it. Now I understand that Anthony's role is to solicit business for all of you. Charlene, now let's just cut through the decorating scam. How many treats do you turn a week?
CHARLENE: Treats?
ANTHONY: I think she means "tricks".
BERNICE: That's right. How many?
ANTHONY: Excuse me, Mrs. Clifton, but I think you have us confused with the next segment. We are decorators.
BERNICE: Oh sure. Everybody has to have something to fall back on. Now, Julia, let's talk about some of those bedrooms you've done -- and the people who've slept there. Just how comfortable did you make them? When we come back, Charlene and Julia -- the girls of decorating, and Anthony, the man who drives them.
CAMERA PERSON: We'll be back on a 30.
JULIA: Bernice, I don't know exactly what your problem is. I don't know if your medication is off, or if your arterial flow has just completely stopped, but I do know this. . . When we go back on the air, if you do not correct this, I am personally going to pick you up and throw you across the room.
CAMERA PERSON: 3, 2, 1. . . Action.
BERNICE: We're back, continuing our segment on Decorating Call Girls. I've been just been talking to Julia Sugarbaker about the role of Madame in the design world...
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