Veda

I don't know how we're going to get rid of this new intern, Velveeta. I thought Malone was kind of loopy, but she was a piece of cake compared to this little Generation-X chippie! And of course, we're the only office with an opening, so she's probably gonna be stuck here for a while.

The girl's totally uncouth. Even after I told her they were, she's still running around the office in an Ace Bandage miniskirt asking everyone if my knockers are real! She keeps referring to me as some retro-hip old person, and even asked to borrow my underpants to wear to some dance Natty dragged her to -- which was obviously a mistake because we had to hear about that spectacle for days.

Natty and Sissy have graduated to playing elaborate practical jokes on each other lately, resulting in a jackass being brought into the office. Natty said that it was delivered for "National Donkey Day," but Dave told me later that one of them stole a plant out of Newt Gingrich's office and gave it to the other as a present, and the donkey was some sort of payback. At least I think that's what happened, I wasn't really listening - I was watching Veela flirting with all the men in the office. Sissy actually thinks she's sleeping with that old fossil Dave -- along with every other man in the building including the guy behind the meat counter in the cafeteria. But, if it gets me the nice slice of corned-beef I got today, more power to her.

Emerson, Sissy, and I talked about it and decided to take Vida out to lunch to give her the axe. First Natty took her out, and chickened out, followed by Emerson. I went to do it myself, but in a way I feel sorry for the poor girl. Sometimes she's just so sweet and innocent and naive, and then five minutes later you want to squash her head like a bug!

Everyone in the office agreed to leave Vega a telegram saying she was fired, but now she thinks she's part of the gang -- assuming that Emerson and Hollingsworth left her the telegram to initiate her with her own practical joke!