Scandals of the Sugarbaker Office Staff

Sissy Emerson and Natalie Hollingworth work closest to Representative Sugarbaker, but several other staffers were distinctly mentioned during research on the Congresswoman. Though the scandals surrounding Sugarbaker's short term in office can be primarily attributed to her politically inappropriate comments, some of her choices in staff have not done much to enhance her reputation.

Jennifer Malone, Sugarbaker's first receptionist when arriving in Washington, came to work immediately following her separation from her philandering husband -- an assistant coach for the Washington Redskins.

Her main life experience had come from being wife and mother to their two teenage sons, so her exuberance and excitement over her new position was very evident. "You would think that woman had just come from the womb," says Hollingsworth. "She followed us around constantly, going on and on about her personal problems. It's a wonder we ever got anything accomplished."

Malone -- as she was called by her coworkers -- was like a wide-eyed child, absorbing the daily stories from the other ladies in the office as if they were the smartest, most interesting people in the world. Neurotically cleaning and baking all the time, she carried a large purse that seemed to have anything you could ever want in it -- including mugs, homemade muffins and doilies, and even a can of furniture polish. Jennifer was also naive enough to have sewn Devil's insignias on her sons' jackets at their request, resulting in their suspension from school.

"Malone was a sweet girl, but very easily confused by the simplest things in life," remembers Emerson. "When she started dating, she went out and spent a whole day's pay on condoms." According to her coworkers, Malone jumped into each new experience with both feet -- and then some, including starting a college course in drawing male nudes and learning to express her sexuality by becoming a "bad girl." But despite all of her personality quirks, she did highly respect the standout Sugarbaker.

"That girl worshipped me," beams Sugarbaker. "I was her heroine."

Following Malone, the office took on an intern to handle the receptionist duties -- a questionable move in hindsight. Veda Walkman came to work for Representative Sugarbaker through a Congressional Leadership Intern Program that targets young people who had good high school test scores but did not pursue college. Even the generation gap between Veda and the rest of the office, though, doesn't explain some of her shocking behavior.

"That girl was going around the office in an Ace Bandage skirt asking everyone if my knockers were real," Sugarbaker muses.

Veda adds, "I love it here. Sissy and Ms. Hollingsworth are the funniest old people I've ever known. And Representative Sugarbaker is so cool with her retro hair and calls from the President."

Rumors coming from several outside sources say that Hollingsworth took Veda to a Young Republican's dance, where she initiated a moshing incident with Hollingsworth being passed overhead and tried to convince the head of the Christian Coalition to get his nipple pierced. There was even something said about Veda asking to borrow the Congresswoman's underwear -- not having worn any herself. Representative Sugarbaker and her staff chose not to substantiate any of the rumors, though Sugarbaker respond with, "Yeah, Velveeta is a very strange girl."

Sources indicate that Sugarbaker has a lot of trouble with the intern's name -- referring to her as Velma, Vida, Leela, or even Velveeta -- most likely because she is unable to completely accept her odd behavior.

Walkman also seems to have a bizarre influence over the rest of the staff --- even rubbing off on older staffer Dave, who started wearing an occasional T-shirt with his suit instead of a dress shirt and adding a spring to his step, prompting suspicion that the two were sexually involved. "That's just a ridiculous rumor," quips Hollingsworth. "Dave is a fossil. There would be nothing in it for Veda."

Dave himself seems to blend into the background most of the time, and apparently is the subject of many of the ladies' one-liners. He did tell us that Representative Sugarbaker and her team made several attempts to dismiss Veda, even going as far as to send her a telegram. "Miss Walkman thought it was her initiation gag and that she'd finally been accepted."

Another intern in the office is Adam, who is newly appointed and has yet to make a huge contribution to the office. However, he was asked to cut off his ponytail because Ms. Hollingsworth thought it did not portray the proper image. Being younger, Adam is about the only staffer that can actually relate to Veda, so it does allow for a buffer between her and the Sugarbaker A-Team.