|
|||
|
 |
 |
|
 |
||
|
Designing Women Online Fan Fiction"The Assistant"
(B.J. enters the firm through the front door. Mary Jo and Carlene are at their desks, and Julia is working on the couch. B.J. walks to her desk and sits down as she talks) B.J.: Morning. Y'know, I'm having kind of a bad morning... I think my eyesight is going. JULIA: Why do you say that, B.J.? B.J.: I saw some billboard that I couldn't read. MARY JO: I know the one. It says "Maybe you need glasses. Or you could be having a stroke". CARLENE: They made that billboard blurry on purpose. B.J.: It's not that one, this one was something about... drinking and driving, I think. JULIA: I have the name of a good eye doctor... let me write it down. CARLENE: You always know someone, Julia. You're classy, pretty, and have so much going for you!! MARY JO: You know, Carlene, Julia could just know the yellow pages. JULIA: I don't go there... at least not all the time. I do occasionally, but that's what they are there for! B.J.: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Julia. The yellow pages are really helpful. The only thing I hate about them is when you mention something, and someone says something like "Look in the yellow pages", because... I just hate it. CARLENE: Y'know what I hate? I hate it when someone comes up to you and asks some... perverted... question. Or when they make a comment that's, well, perverted. (Anthony enters) MARY JO: Women are always the target of perverted things. ANTHONY: Not always just women, Mary Jo! I had many experiences during my unfortunate incarceration when some big, bulky, tatoo-covered maniac would ask me something -- something very disguisting. CARLENE: Like what? ANTHONY: It depends. There were several things they'd ask or say. One time, I was asked if I had... JULIA: (cautiously yet forcefully) Anthony... B.J.: There you go again, Julia -- always stopping us when we get to the good part in conversations. JULIA: B.J., if you want to have conversations about things you'd see on Howard Stern, be my guest... but not when I have to listen. B.J.: We'll get ya some ear plugs, then. (looks over at Julia, who is moving her head in discontentment) All right, all right, Julia. MARY JO: Look at this. ANTHONY: (sitting on a stool) Look at what, Mary Jo? MARY JO: This article in the Times. Summer jobs are more popular that ever for fifteen and sixteen year olds. They work minimum wage, too. I like cheap workers. JULIA: That's because prices are rising. Parents no longer are going to let their irresponsible teenagers suck up their well-earned money. B.J.: That, and kids lately are just lazy now. CARLENE: My ex-husband Dwayne Dobber have a job every summer he was in high school... all six years. It did him a world of good. MARY JO: Maybe we should hire a teenager to help out around here. School gets out next week, doesn't it? B.J.: They said that, on the radio this morning, that it gets out in a week and a half... I heard that on that RockMania station. I couldn't see the numbers too well, and I think I wasn't too far off, but still. ANTHONY: You need glasses, B.J.? B.J.: Yes, unfortunately. ANTHONY: I thought you had eyes like a hawk. That reminds me of something that happened to T. Tommy Reid. (Looking over at Julia) But like most of my T. Tommy stories, it's an utterly inappropriate story for the workplace. B.J.: Don't let her get to you, Anthony. I wanna hear it. CARLENE: Me too! JULIA: Well, I want to hear about what Mary Jo was talking about. Carlene, haven't you been in need of some help? CARLENE: Yeah, with phones in the morning, and some of the filing. But I don't think we need an assistant, it'd just help. JULIA: Let me see that article, Mary Jo.
SCENE 2(B.J., Carlene, and Anthony are present, sitting on the couch and chairs)B.J.: I just saw that eye doctor Julia recomended. I think he helped, but is this (puts on glasses) worth it? CARLENE: They're nice, B.J.! ANTHONY: Yeah, very attractive. B.J.: Really? CARLENE: Yes. B.J.: I guess they look okay, but I'm just not used to the sight of me in glasses. CARLENE: You can see real well, right? B.J.: Like a cotton picking hawk. I guess that's all that matters. But are you sure these glasses don't make me look like an owl? ANTHONY: I'm telling you, B.J., they don't look bad. (Mary Jo enters from the store room) MARY JO: Did you post that job ad on the Sugarbaker's website, Carlene? CARLENE: Yeah, and I put a thing about it on the front page. B.J.: Speaking of the internet -- and since Julia's not here, I wonder what cybersex is like... always have. MARY JO: Oh, it's probably like sex in the movies... nothing romantic, just a quickie here and there. ANTHONY: I think it's kind of cheap. CARLENE: Yes! It's like sex with Dwayne Dobber. B.J.: That must be bad... let's not go there, Carlene. (Julia enters from side) JULIA: We've got two responses to our ad in the Times today. One's a young man who is sixteen, enjoys basketball, the Discovery channel, and HGTV. There's a young woman who enjoys many things, describing herself as "well-rounded and nicely unique". MARY JO: The first one sounds... B.J.: Like a fruitcake. JULIA: The second one sounds good. I'm going to call her for an interview.
SCENE 3(Sugarbaker's has hired the promising teen, Becca. Becca, Julia, Mary Jo and Carlene are sitting)BECCA: Thank you so much for the job! CARLENE: Well, you're welcome! You are so good for it. BECCA: Really? JULIA: Yes. You are mature, responsible... what we were looking for. MARY JO: You could be the Terminator like Julia with a little practice. You're cool and confident under pressure, aren't you? BECCA: I guess. CARLENE: That's nice. BECCA: I also am interested in decorating. CARLENE: That's nice. JULIA: You would make a great design consultant someday. Mary Jo is a great one. MARY JO: Are you planning on going to design school? BECCA: Yes, but my father doesn't like the profession. CARLENE: That's not nice. BECCA: I know. I figured that getting a job would be great. CARLENE: You've got it all - you have a job in a design firm! BECCA: Uhh... yeah. JULIA: Now, we have a lot of conversations that are spun-off from anything from talking about what Anthony, our male partner, and his wife are quibbling about, to Mary Jo's kids, who are in college. MARY JO: You don't mind that, do you? BECCA: No, I like interesting conversations. You all are so nice! (Looks at her watch) Oh, I think I should go now. Do you mind, Ms. Sugarbaker? JULIA: No, no. Be here tomorrow at 9am, all right? BECCA: I will. If you want me to come earlier I will. JULIA: No, no... just around 9am. There's about a... fifteen minute margin if needed. BECCA: Okay. MARY JO: Becca, before you leave... Carlene will be in charge of you. You'll be helping her with filing and things. CARLENE: Gee, Mary Jo... does that make me her "boss"? JULIA: No, think of it as "supervisor". BECCA: You all have a great afternoon! CARLENE: You too! (Becca leaves) Gee Julia, thanks for me becoming her "supervisor" as you call it. JULIA: Don't mention it. MARY JO: Well, she will be doing the filing. CARLENE: Where is she going to sit? JULIA: The small desk we used to have the typewriter on is in the storeroom. MARY JO: That was the desk Suzanne would use... when she worked. CARLENE: How many times did she use it? MARY JO: Three... over five and a half years. (Julia goes into the storeroom) CARLENE: That's just lazy. MARY JO: That's just Suzanne.
SCENE 4(Carlene is at her desk, B.J. is standing by the coffee pot, Anthony is sitting at Mary Jo's desk)ANTHONY: I can't believe how tied up we've been. B.J.: Well, it goes to show ya -- having air in your hair does pay off... you can have stimulating conversation, make money, and be yourself. Of course I have a truckload of money anyway. Oh... that reminds me - last night, I had dinner with a Mr. and Mrs. Stone about a job. They're coming by to speak with Mary Jo later on. CARLENE: She's not going to be here today, she's going to visit Quint in college. B.J.: When will she be back? ANTHONY: I think tomorrow. B.J.: Will you call Mrs. Stone at 555-6798 and tell her she should speak to Julia? ANTHONY: I'll do it, B.J. Carlene is tied up with all this new business you've been bringing in. B.J.: Thanks, Anthony. Oh, that reminds me. Aren't we supposed to have an intern come? CARLENE: She'll be here at 9. B.J.: It's 10:50! ANTHONY: B.J., put on your glasses! It's 8:50! B.J.: Oh, so it is. Hell, this Rolex got foggy. CARLENE: Are you sure it's not a Bolex? B.J.: Yes! (Julia walks downstairs) JULIA: Sorry that I am late, but the power went out last night. It ruined the time on my alarm clock. The water pressure is bad too. B.J.: Well, I have to go out to a Poteet Industries board meeting. On the way back here, I'll pick you up an alarm clock. Maybe one of those hi-tech Bose radios. JULIA: No, no. B.J.: I'll buy you a cheap one then. JULIA: B.J., if you are so fired up about buying me an alarm clock, buy the Bose... CARLENE: I've always wanted one. B.J.: Anthony, you want one too? ANTHONY: Yeah... but I can't. B.J.: That's a sure-fired "yes". I'll get one for Mary Jo too. CARLENE: You love giving away stuff, don't you? B.J.: I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm Texan. (Becca enters) BECCA: Good morning! JULIA: Good morning. CARLENE: This is B.J. (points towards B.J., who is standing by this time near Carlene's desk), and this is Anthony (Anthony stands up). BECCA: Carlene, what would you like me to do? CARLENE: Sit right here (motions to desk situated near Carlene's) You'll be filing this order forms right now. Put them in my far right drawer in the folder they belong... like Miriam and Fred Adams would go under A, but you would put Marcus Aaron before them. BECCA: I see. CARLENE: You just tell me when you're done with that. Don't be afraid to ask for help! BECCA: Oh, I won't... I'm voisterous when I need to be.
SCENE 5(A week later, Becca walks in and finds nobody around)BECCA: Hello? Julia must be upstairs. (walks towards Mary Jo's desk and sorts through some papers. She leaves them and walks towards B.J.'s desk, and finds B.J.'s Rolex and stuffs it in her pocket. Looks through some account statements for the firm, and some notes B.J. made) (Anthony enters from the Atrium) ANTHONY: What do you think you're doing? BECCA: Sorry... I was just... ANTHONY: Move away from her desk and stop there (points at location next to desk) What were you looking at? BECCA: Notes that B.J. made about Julia's getting up late and needing an alarm clock... ANTHONY: And papers about how much we have invested in the firm. BECCA: Yes... ANTHONY: What a shame. Now, I know B.J. left her watch here when we were in here. BECCA: I... uhh... I don't have it! ANTHONY: Yes you do. BECCA: Okay, here. ANTHONY: You also saw our profits. BECCA: I can explain... ANTHONY: Go right ahead. (Mary Jo walks in, and stops suddenly) BECCA: My mother started a design firm last year, and it hasn't been at all successful. She wanted me to get the names and numbers of your customers, see things like how much they spent, and also to see how much money y'all have. (Julia walks in) MARY JO: We thought you were honest. BECCA: That's my father's influence. That's also why my mother and my father are divorced. JULIA: Obviously, you know that you've been discharged from working here. BECCA: Can I get unemployment? MARY JO, JULIA, ANTHONY: No! (B.J. and Carlene walk in) CARLENE: Those corporate meetings wouldn't be any fun without you, B.J. What happened here? B.J.: I have the feeling that Becca's been doing something to my desk. ANTHONY: Looking at papers only we five see. CARLENE: You know, I thought you were really honest. BECCA: I lied. CARLENE: You're fired! I was put in charge of you, so I will fire you. You may leave now. (Becca leaves) MARY JO: Good Carlene... but Julia already fired her. B.J.: I had that feeling. JULIA: Maybe this rush of new business can slow down, B.J.? B.J.: Sure, I'll re-schedule appointments and then we will have better evaluated time. MARY JO: Are you okay, B.J.? You have a good point, the words don't seem to flow right. CARLENE: It's board meeting talk. ANTHONY: Where's your glasses? B.J.: To hell with my glasses! I got contacts... but I do have a problem putting them in. I don't like doing it... my eyes are sensitive. JULIA: Well, whatever makes you comfortable. B.J.: I would like a man... but contacts are enough for one day.
All Rights Reserved. Developed and maintained by Top That!
|
